Being Brave Enough to Say No

This month I said no to a lucrative opportunity. It was hard, but I think it was the right move for me.

As a freelancer, there are busy times and lean times. The work isn't always steady and, sometimes, when things are slow or a little uncertain, freelancers may be tempted to take on work they don't want to do. When I first started freelancing, I told myself I never wanted to wake up and dread the day ahead. To do that, I had to summon the power to say no; no to any project that didn't seem like a fit--no to the money that came with it.

Throughout my career, I've always been the person to say, "Yes, I can," "Yes, I will," and "Yes, you can count on me." It's not in my nature to say no when someone asks for my help (unless it's a completely outlandish request). However, to be true to myself and best serve a potential client or employer, sometimes no is the best answer one can give. If you're not truly interested in the work, or you can't perform the task with the level of enthusiasm and skill that an employer deserves, there is no winner if you say yes.

Just because opportunity knocks doesn't mean it has the right address.

Have you ever said no to an opportunity? Did you feel uncertain about your decision? Or did you know it was the best move for you? 

The car mirror approach to life

You know how your car has a sticker on the side mirror that says "objects are closer than they appear"? This is actually a good reminder for life in general. Things are rarely what they seem.

I just returned home from an advanced screening of the film, "People Like Us" with Chris Pine and Elizabeth Banks. Honestly, I wasn't expecting much from it. However, I was pleasantly surprised and I loved the ending. I don't want to give away the good stuff, but there was one scene where Chris Pine lamented that his dad always sat in the car when he took him to the park as a kid. This story was meant to illustrate the distance in their relationship; how his dad wasn't close to him. Enter the metaphoric car mirror. Objects are closer than they appear. In fact, there was more to the story than Chris' character realized and the situation was much more complicated than he knew. (I really want to tell you more about the park, but I don't want to ruin it for you if you see the film!)

In any case, after I left the movie theater I started to ponder how quickly we all jump to conclusions about people. Stan is cranky in the mornings at work, so he's a jerk. Sarah always declines your lunch invitation, so she must be stuck up. But, is there, perhaps, more to the story? 

What if Stan is cranky in the morning because he's up every night taking care of his invalid wife, whom he loves deeply? What is Sarah turns down your lunch invitations because all her spare money goes to pay for therapy for her troubled son? Hmm. Stan's not such a bad guy and Sarah's not a snob anymore, are they?

Whether it be in the workplace or in our personal lives, we all form opinions based on very few facts. That's something I would love to see change. They say you don't know a man until you walk a mile in his shoes. And, that is so true. We all have our baggage, challenges, and obstacles. Some openly share the drama of their everyday lives and others live lives of quiet desperation.

The next time you're quick to gossip at the water cooler in the break room or to form an uncomplimentary opinion about someone, stop and think. Do you really know the whole story? And, is the whole story even your business? Things are frequently not what they seem--and objects may be closer than they appear. 

Does greed make people mislead?

We see it all the time. Bait and switch techniques abound. A lie here, a half-truth there. Get people now no matter how you have to do it. The only problem is, what happens when they realize they've been misled?

Last night I rented a horrible move, A Fool and his Money. As you can see from the photo on the right it's a Sandra Bullock film. Yeah, right. That's just what the greedy SOBs who pimp the film want you to think. Sadly, after wasting two hours on the flick, I Googled it and realized it was originally released in 1988, but re-released in 1995 after Bullock achieved fame in Speed. Some wiseguy decided to capitalize on her popularity and showcase her prominently on the DVD cover, despite the fact that Bullock appears in the film for no more than four minutes combined. A Sandra Bullock film? Not a chance.

I'm sure you've seen misleading practices before. We all have, sadly. But do they win the race in the long run? Sooner or later, people always find out that you've misled them. Is the short term gain worth the long term alienation? I'd say no, but lots of folks say yes.

That yes usually comes from greed. More money, more customers, more subscribers, more readers, more impressions, more sales, more traffic, more, more, more. But, after the truth comes out, after everyone finds out they've been misled, the damage is irreparable. Is a white lie still a lie? Is a half truth still 50% fact? Why gamble with your reputation when that's really what defines you in the end?

The next time you push anything out into the public, do a reality check. Is this an honest and fair assessment of what people can expect? Does your webinar address the content that you said it would? Is your brochure copy true? Does your store actually carry the products advertised in your sales circular? Will your product deliver on the promises you've made?

Misleading folks only leads to short term gains. Aren't we all in this for the long haul?

Are Twitter's elite making reciprocity uncool?

The one thing I really enjoy about social media is the elevated sense of etiquette. People share, support, thank, and make meaningful connections on the site. Generally, folks have a wonderful sense of reciprocity. Follow them, they'll follow you back. Share a link of theirs, they'll share one back or say thanks. Good manners abound on Twitter (at least in my stream). That's why I'm saddened to see the latest trend gaining momentum: unfollowing.

It started with Chris Brogan, then Darren Rowse followed suit. Both said it was in an effort to help clean up their Twitter streams and DMs. Now, plenty of ordinary people are saying, "If the big guys are doing it, I'm going to do it, too!". I'm seeing mass purges everywhere. I'm disappointed that some of social media's most influential names would legitimize this sleazy practice. Perhaps their reasons made sense to them, but they've set a trend that is contrary to the philosophy of social media and the idea of community building.

Here's the reality. Most people who have a large number of followers built their numbers on reciprocity. They connected with someone and that person followed them back, or vice versa. Those numbers were built on a mutual connection (let's face it, only "real" celebrities can get tens of thousands of followers from scratch and only follow back a handful of people). Now, much to my dismay, it's the hip thing to say your Twitter follows are unmanageable, your DMs are being hijacked, and you can't focus on anything in your stream. You simply must unfollow everyone so you can start over with a clean slate. Know what I say to that? Hogwash.

It's no secret that I despise those who work the numbers to artificially inflate their followings. I have 5,000 followers, yet could have far more if I followed back every bot and spammer. But, I don't (I firmly believe in quality over quantity). Instead, I look at each and every Twitter profile and decide whether or not to follow back. If the person doesn't break one of my 12 Twitter rules, I'll give a followback. As such, I don't get any spam. Ever.

Today I saw a post by Daniel Newman that talks about the purging practice and the rationale behind it, going as far as to say "Don't pee on me and tell me it's raining." He does a great job of outlining the ways that anyone could combat the problems that people are citing as reasons to unfollow. Danny Brown also has a post on the subject. He shares a "leaked" email that implies the mass unfollows were to get attention. Although quite amusing, this was never my theory. However, I'm glad Danny called out the the unfollowing practice, too.

I still think Chris and Darren are smart people. If you read my blog regularly, you know I've raved about how much I love Chris. Darren is a darn great guy, too. However, it's kind of like when you learn that Santa Claus is really your mom and dad. Don't preach about community and then tell me unfollowing your community isn't anything personal. It may not be personal to you, and lots of people may kiss your backside saying you're a trailblazer, but I'm not drinking the Kool-Aid.

Big names in the social media space serve as role models; teaching by example. When they do something, they set a trend. Granted, everyone can do as they please and there are no official rules to any of this social media stuff. I get that. However, now those who work the system with mass follows and unfollows are no longer sleaze bags and charlatans. They can now conduct those shady practices knowing full well that they have the perfect defense: "If the social media gurus can unfollow everyone, why can't I?"

The pitfalls of cussing in the workplace

Profanity in the office is unprofessional. It's lowbrow and uncouth. Educated people shouldn't resort to foul language to communicate their unhappiness or frustration. There's a whole world of words out there that don't escalate arguments or take conversations in a volatile direction.

For the last six days straight, the web has been buzzing over the PR agency vice president who called a blogger an effing bee in an email (I've cleaned it up, but the guy used the real f word and b word). If you don't know the story, check it out on PR Daily, Gawker, or Business Insider. In short, his agency made a silly and untargeted pitch to the blogger, the blogger sent a snarky response, the agency rep said they'd steer advertising opportunities away from the site, and then the VP accidentally hit reply all and called the blogger an f***ing b***h (again, the asterisks are mine; he wrote the actual words). Needless to say, the blogger unleashed social media Armageddon on the company and the backlash against the agency has been mind blowing.

Industry publications have latched on to this story, calling out the veep and using the exchange as an example of how not to engage with bloggers. However, let's look at it another way. What if the guy hadn't cussed? Suppose he had said any one of the following things instead:

• "My gosh! Her response was unpleasant and unnecessary!"
• "Let's be sure to never pitch that woman again!"
• "Wow. That was a little over the top."
• "Onward and upward, troops. You can't win them all!"

Instead, he wrote, "What a f***ing b***h!"

These four little words have turned this guy's world upside down. He's deleted his Twitter account (probably to avoid hostile tweets) and been lambasted throughout the industry. If he had shown his displeasure with the woman and the situation without resorting to profanity, I honestly think this would have played out differently. There's just something about those two words in particular that can blow a disagreement into a full-fledged battle.

Am I being naive? Perhaps a little too wholesome?

Does cussing not matter in today's world?

Is your favorite blogger a dirty, rotten thief?

I hate thieves. Being taken advantage of and deceived are things that fail to make me all warm and happy inside. That's why I didn't enjoy getting spammed by a fellow blogger who stole my email address.

I recently commented on someone's blog for the first time. Within a few days I received a spammy promotional pitch from the blogger. I didn't sign up for his email list and I responded to the note, asking him to remove me from his list. His response? By commenting I was bound by his comment policy and agreed to opt into his newsletter. 

I checked out his commenting policy and there was nothing that said by commenting I agreed to opt into mailings. Nothing. Was his response an intentional lie? Hmmm. I emailed him again and once more asked to be removed from his distribution list (since there was no way to remove myself). He said there was no list; it was a plug in. He went on to say I was the first person to ever complain about it.

I asked yet a third time to be removed from his distribution list. He finally said he'd "try" to remove me. Never, not once, apologizing for the situation. Did he really think forcing me to be on his list was winning me over? Is it smart to make someone ask three times to be removed from your list? Is that the way to create meaningful online relationships? As far as I'm concerned, Mr. Spammy McUnethical stole my email address and used it without my permission. Dirty, rotten thief.

Those of us who have blogs are sometimes privy to people's email addresses. Depending on the commenting system and the way a commenter chooses to log in to comment, email addresses may be visible to the blog owner. I've seen many of my commenters' email addresses when they leave comments and, you know what? I don't collect them, sell them, or do anything unethical with them. I delete them. It's someone's private information and I take that seriously. My mama didn't raise a thief.

But, apparently, some bloggers out there are a little fast and loose with your private information. Beware. And, most of all, don't put up with it. If someone betrays your trust, move on. If you condone their lapse in ethics, you enable them to continue. Data theft is no different than property theft.

What do you think? Even if it was in the commenting policy (which is was not), does that mean a person can never ask to be removed from someone's distribution list? Isn't the whole point of having email lists to help strengthen the bond with your community, not alienate it? Is it alright for a blogger to use your personal information any way they choose? Have you ever been the victim of data theft?

Free speech, public safety, and cell phones

Consider this scenario: You own a business. For some reason or another, people are angry at your business and decide to protest against it. The protesters tap into a service that your company provides to organize disruptive activities meant to hurt said company. Should the company be allowed to cut off that service?

Now, let's put some facts to this story. San Francisco's BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) system has been on the receiving end of some heavy duty public discord this summer. In July, crowds shut down three of BART's train stations as they protested the shooting of a knife-wielding transient by a BART police officer. Last week, organizers were planning another protest against the city's transit system. However, BART shut down its underground, cell phone network in select stations to prevent people from organizing activities that would negatively impact train activity.

Keep in mind, BART actually owns and controls the wireless network that services the subterranean train tunnels. It didn't have to work with a cell phone provider to jam signals or cut service. It owns the system and simply turned it off. As a result, the protest didn't happen. People were unable to organize activities in real-time, tweet the locations of BART police, or use mobile devices in any way in several train stations. That, in essence, put the kibosh on the protest before it ever started. The American Civil Liberties Union cried foul; BART defended it's actions saying protests on station platforms would put the public at risk.

Were transit authorities truly concerned about commuter safety or did they just wanted to avoid a protest? Only a few people really know the answer to that. But, if it fair to say any business must continue to offer a service that is being exploited by people who are trying to do that business harm? Of course, this issue gets stickier when we consider that BART is a service of the city of San Francisco--obviously funded by taxpayer dollars. (Note: As a result of the recent wireless shutdown, another protest has been organized for this Monday.)

What do YOU think? Is the BART action the same as the government ordering social media shutdowns in Egypt and other countries that have faced civil unrest? Should BART, or any other company, be legally obligated to maintain a service even if it goes against the business's best interests? Does it make a difference if the entity owns the service or mandates another company cut access? What if that business is affiliated with the government?

No jammed signals here! Sound off below and exercise your right to free speech!

Restaurant dupes happy hour patrons

Know what I love more than nachos? Cheap nachos! Know what I hate? A restaurant who abuses my trust and tries to overcharge me.

This week, I went to happy hour at Acapulco Mexican Restaurant. Like lots of establishments, they offer discounted drinks and appetizers in the early evening hours. Well, after enjoying my end of day respite, the server hands me the bill. I plop down my credit card and look at the bill quickly before setting it on the table. However, once it's down, I realize something isn't right. I pick it back and notice I've been charged full price for everything. Full price nachos! Can you believe it?

The server comes to collect my moola and I point out to her that I've been charged full price for everything. She asks if I'm here for happy hour, to which I respond, "I'm sitting in the bar (which is where you have to be to get happy hour deals) and I'm here during happy hour hours. Yes, I came here for happy hour." She explains that customers are charged full price if they don't say they've come for happy hour. What the heck?

I've gone to many happy hours over the years and countless ones at Acapulco. Never have I had to state the obvious and say I came during happy hour for happy hour.

Frankly, I think this is one of the most unethical practices I've seen from a restaurant. How frequently do people just trustingly toss down their credit cards without analyzing the bill? I'd say a lot. Ever go to happy hour with a large group of friends or coworkers? Usually, one guy grabs the bill and says how much everyone owes, right? Does he usually double check the prices against the menu? Nope.

This having to say, "I'm here for happy hour and want the happy hour pricing" thing is ridiculous. I think Acapulco is taking advantage of people's trust and scamming those who are not paying full attention. Sure, as consumers we should always know what we're paying for, but let's be real. Are most people putting on their accountant hats after throwing back margaritas for two hours? Me thinks not.

This practice stinks! And I think the folks at Acapulco should be ashamed of themselves. Want to know how to build a business and prosper? Offer a good product at a fair price, create loyalty amongst your customers, and inspire positive word of mouth. Well, this mouth says those nachos will be her last at Acapulco. I have no desire to do business with anyone who tries to dupe me. Adiós señors!

36-26-36: Why numbers in social media are misleading

If you're a female, you know what the numbers in the title of this post mean. They're supposed to be a woman's "ideal" measurements. If you're a guy, I bet some of you might tweak those numbers a bit. Measurements that are attractive to some, might be unappealing to others. Numbers are frequently open to interpretation.

In the world of social media, it's all about numbers. Twitter followers, Facebook fan and/or friend counts, blog subscribers, Klout score, Empire Avenue stock quotes, LinkedIn connections, and the list goes on. People judge your success in social media by the numbers associated with the popular platforms. Is this wrong? Well, not entirely. But, it can certainly be misleading. The thing that numbers can't measure is character.

Let's take a look at the images below:

These are all people whose follower number used to closely match their following number. For the Twitter novices out there, that means they followed just as many people who followed them. Now, as you can plainly see, each one only follows a handful of people and, alas, they are so freakin' popular that each one has tens of thousands of people waiting with baited breath for their next tweet! Ha. Not likely.

These people have manipulated the system; following people to acquire their follow back. Then, ultimately, dumping everyone to make themselves look important. They used the people who they connected with and then discarded them when they got the good numbers they wanted. Do these people have impressive follower counts? Absolutely! Are they scumbags? Yep. Grade A pond scum.

So, yes, numbers are one of many ways to gauge someone's success in social media. However, do not let the numbers cloud your vision. It's what's behind those numbers that matter. As is the case with the pretty girl with the 36-26-36 figure, there's a person in there that adds context to those numbers. Maybe she's an angelic, do-gooder like Mother Theresa inside and maybe she's a shallow, sex tape making, debutant like Paris Hilton. Same goes with social media. Numbers can change. Character is forever.

* TIP: To find out if you've been used by someone like the people in the images above, I recommend following @unfollowr on Twitter or using Tweepi.com. Both are free tools to find out who has unfollowed you.

Reputation management is a 24-hour a day job

What you do and how you do it tells people a lot about you. The way you conduct yourself professionally--and personally--tells clients, potential customers, peers, and acquaintances all they need to know about your priorities, values, and overall attitude. With every day and every moment comes the opportunity to brand yourself and build your reputation. Are you squandering that chance or seizing it?

This month, I've been helping a friend show an apartment he has for rent. He's in the hospital so I offered to post the ads, take the calls, set the appointments, and show the unit. At the time, I had no idea that would mean fielding a minimum of 20 calls a day and showing the unit 75 times over the course of two weeks. The process has taken over my life, but it's very interesting to have contact with so many different people. Even more interesting to see how many of those folks are incredibly challenged when it comes to basic social skills.

People who are interested in the apartment call me outside of the times I said I would accept calls (phoning me at 11:45pm isn't gonna win you any brownie points). I've had several people get short with me because I was unable to show the apartment at the time they initially suggested. Yet, others, just leave vague messages; not identifying themselves or leaving contact info. And, don't even get me started on all the people who are no shows and don't have the courtesy to call me so I don't waste my time waiting.

So, what does this have to do with business? Well, it got me to wondering what kind of employees or proprietors these people are. Are some of these problem children as self-involved and unaware in their workplaces? Do they act entitled and demanding in meetings? Are they disrespectful of their supervisor's time and uncaring as to whether they inconvenience their peers or customers?

I've met many talented people during this process. Some of the folks work in professional capacities where I might be able to send some potential work their way. Others are people who would probably benefit from some good word of mouth about their businesses. One guy I was excited about meeting because I had heard of his restaurant and was eager to try it (his assistant set up the appointment with me). However, when the man showed up, he was rude and dismissive to me. Rest assured I won't be patronizing his establishment after that encounter.

Remember, in its most basic form, personal branding is about reputation. Who we are is reflected in our daily actions and interactions, whether we think about it or not. How we spend our time, the company we keep, the way we treat others. It all conveys something to those around us. Do you want that impression to be good? Or do you not care?

What are you doing to ensure that your personal and professional reputation is the best that it can be? Remember, everything you do is yet another opportunity to outshine the competition! Will you seize that chance or let it slip away?

Is it ok for journalists to change facts?

I don't care what your politics or your religion are, if you're a journalist your job is the report the facts of the day. Journalists are historians in many ways, documenting what's happening in our world. That why I find it so terribly disturbing that one newspaper has gone as far as to edit a photograph taken at the White House.

The photo below was shot by White House photographer Pete Souza. It captures President Obama and his national security team watching the live feed of the raid on Osama bin Laden's compound on April 30.

Photo credit: Pete Souza

The photo that appeared in Brooklyn's Der Tzitung, however, looked like this:

Photo credit: Yahoo! News

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has been "fauxtoshopped" out. As has the woman in the back, Audrey Tomason, the national director of counter-terrorism. Apparently, the Der Tzitung is an ultra-Orthodox Hasidic publication which won't print any photos of women in its broadsheet.

Now, aside from the fact that the White House says official photos made available to news organizations cannot be manipulated, aside from the fact that Der Tzitung finds it unsuitable to show women in photos, what ever happened to journalists reporting the news? You know, the news that's all jam-packed with facts and reality?

This isn't about religion. This isn't about politics. And please don't turn this into a discussion about Hillary Clinton. This is about journalism. If we can't count on newspapers to deliver the unbiased, unaltered news, well, quite frankly, they serve no purpose. To completely change the facts of history by removing one of the highest-ranking cabinet members from a photo that chronicles one of the most significant days in U.S. history? That's disgraceful.

Practice your religion. Embrace your politics. But when a journalist takes the oath to report the news, his or her personal feelings should take a back seat. Shame on anyone and any news organization that would alter an historic photograph. If it somehow goes again the "ethics" of the news organization, I say don't print it. No one says you have to! But, don't alter history. That's dishonest. That's unprofessional. That's irresponsible. And, it's flat out wrong.

Are you a clueless customer?

Working for minimum wage sucks. It's even more of a challenge when you're working with the public for eight hours a day. Millions of people are working harder than ever and still not bringing in enough money to stay afloat. Not one of them? Lucky you! If you are, I have no doubt you appreciate courteous customers.

When I was in high school, one of my summer jobs was working at Hush Puppies shoes. Yeah, I know you're jealous, right? The store displayed one shoe of every style and when a customer wanted to try on a pair, we got a complete set in the right size from the back. For some reason, nearly every customer felt compelled to collect an armful of shoes as they walked about the store. Frequently, the person would then get distracted by the smell of Mrs. Fields cookies wafting across the mall and dump the pile of shoes on a table before they left.

Was it it my job to keep the store tidy and attractive? You betcha. Did I appreciate having to sort through an abandoned pile of shoes? Not so much.

The worst part was when someone would carry around one lone shoe and then set it down somewhere it didn't belong. Sometimes I'd have to scour the entire store just to find that one shoe. On occasion, the staff would have to join in the hunt to track down the missing high heel (yes, surprising, Hush Puppies carried some really cute heels and boots!). How hard would it have been for that customer to just put the shoe back where she found it? Or, if she didn't remember, just to give it to one of us?

No, my three months at Hush Puppies didn't scar me for life. And, no, I have not been holding on to this story all this time. I just thought it was a good illustration of how customers can mindlessly cause unnecessary work for employees. You know what I'm talking about. Rummaging through a pile of t-shirts and then leaving them all unfolded. Letting items fall to the floor and then leaving them there. Discarding your trash on display cases. Carrying around a perishable item and then shoving it in the magazine rack when you decide you no longer want it.

The federal minimum wage in the United States is just $7.25 an hour. No one's buying a McMansion on that kind of money. Many minimum wage jobs involve lots of standing, too. Standing at counters, machines, or just having to be on your feet. If you haven't ever stood for 8 hours; trust me, you feel it.

So, the next time you're at the mall, or the food court, or any other business that is staffed by minimum wage employees, take a moment to think about the work that's required to keep that store running. Think about the people. Is it their job to keep things nice for customers? You bet. Should they have to be your maid and clean up after the messes you leave behind? I really don't think so. Do you?

Cable TV gave me a potty mouth: Pop culture's influence on adults

People worry about the influence TV has on children. Forget kids, I'm worried about myself. This week I said $%^&#* for the first time in my entire life. I promptly followed it up with #&!+$%.

I generally don't curse much. However, in my defense, I think I know why I've started to talk like a trucker. I've been spending way too much time with Tony Soprano.

OK, yeah, I know The Sopranos has been off the air for years. But, I don't have HBO so I never saw the show in real time. I did, however, spend the last seven weeks watching all six seasons back to back. I had more than my fair share of murder, nudity, and profanity all condensed into a 50 day period. It was bound to have an impact, right?

Advocacy groups are always saying, "What about the children?" or "We have to protect kids!". Yeah, ok, that's true. But, frankly, thinking the provocative stuff on TV doesn't have an affect on adults is silly. I, for one, am far more impressionable than I realized!

Sure, grown-ups can make more educated decisions than minors, but being subjected to questionable language or behaviors can skew people's reality. Push the envelope far enough and extreme behavior can seem tame in comparison to something more outlandish.

The company we keep, the music we listen to, the TV shows and movies we watch shape us. How we perceive things, how we talk, and our sense of morality. Pop culture has squatter's rights in our brains and it knows no age boundaries. For better or worse, I'm apparently no different than a seven-year-old when it comes to picking up and repeating bad words.

Now, tell me what you &#@+$ think about all this, you #%&*@! In the meantime, I'm gonna go wash out my mouth with soap...

Hey Cheapskate! Quit trying to "pick" my brain!

As a consultant, I've found one consistent truth. People think because you work for yourself that you'll give away all your knowledge for the price of a cup of coffee or a veggie burger. Why is that?

This isn't just something that I've found to be the case in my life, but I've heard the same thing from many other solopreneurs. Just because someone doesn't have an expensive sign posted outside a high rent commercial property doesn't mean they're hoping to give away all their professional experience for free.

So, why do people always want to "pick my brain"? Am I living in a world of hungry zombies? My noggin' isn't a plate of cheap hors d' oeuvres.

I've spent years honing my skills. I've made sacrifices. I've stayed in to work and to learn, while others have gone out to play. My knowledge is the result of my commitment and discipline. I've worked hard for it.

My words here echo the sentiments of many men and women who have hung up their own shingles and started their own businesses. I hear it all the time. The lack of a fancy lobby doesn't mean we want to give away all our tricks of the trade for a $4 latte.

That said, I provide lots of free guidance to folks in my online networks. Mostly those who are either operating nonprofit enterprises or who are out of work. People who really need a helping hand.

However, those with means, please don't ask to buy me a mochachino so you can pick my brain. It's insulting. My consulting rate is $100 per hour. So, yeah, it sounds perfectly equitable to me that I sit with someone for 60 minutes dispensing free advice in exchange for a warm cup of Joe.

Pick my brain? Forget that. How about paying me my worth? I have bills to pay just like everyone else. More than that, I have skills that the "picker" obviously doesn't have. You want 'em? Pay for them. Is that too much to ask?

Do you run your own business? Ever had someone ask to pick your brain? Eager to give away all your professional knowledge for free? Let me hear your stories. I know you have 'em.

Red tag sale today! Everything full price!

As a consumer, I hate to be mislead. Don't lie to me, trick me, or otherwise try to pull one over on me. I'm a smart cookie and I'll notice. Worse yet, I'll remember and won't trust you going forward.

Take this "special deal" from Target that I saw today:

Ten containers of Cesar dog food for seven dollars. Target had sale stickers all over the stuff, so I peaked behind the sale tags to see what the usual price was.

Hmmm, seventy cents each. Yeah, the everyday price would be ten containers for seven bucks. So what's the special deal? News flash: there is no sale price here at all.

Whether you operate your own small business or a mega-chain, here's my two cents of free advice (let's actually make that seventy cents!). Be honest and maintain your integrity. Regardless if you offer a product or a service, the relationship you create with your customer is a key part of your success. Much like a cheating girlfriend or husband, once trust is lost it's hard to regain it. 

The truth is, I would probably have bought some Cesar today because my dogs like it and I'm running low. However, there was no way I was buying it at Target when the sale stickers did nothing but offer the dog food for the regular price. I certainly wouldn't want them to think I was duped into the purchase. I'm a lot of things, but dumb isn't one of them.

How do you feel when you're mislead as a customer? All warm and fuzzy inside with a fierce sense of loyalty? Or, annoyed and cautious?

Let's hear it!

Contest criminals: Social media's dirty little secret

I recently wrote about things on Twitter that need to stop ("7 Twitter Crimes That Need to be Outlawed"). Number Four was "Questionable Contests". Today, I'm so freakin' disgusted that good ole' number four is gonna get its very own rant. Let's get started.

Early last month, I visited the blog of a Twitter connection who was hosting a contest and giving away a book. Leave a comment to enter, easy enough. In black and white it said the winner would be selected on Monday (which was only five days away). I left a comment, a wonderfully witty one at that, and then went about living my glamorous life. Today, I was catching up on some stuff and remembered the contest. I went back to the site to see who the winner was, but the post hadn't been updated. I then tweeted the blogger to ask who won the contest.

Now, the plus side is that the person did respond to my question. The flip side was this response: "Haven't picked a winner yet. I am gonna promote it to my list tomorrow and pick one by Monday!" Let's keep in mind I inquired more than a month after the winner should have been selected.

I'm sick of this bad behavior. It's at epidemic proportions online. These people who sponsor shady contests should be ashamed of themselves. Heck, there are state and federal laws in place to ensure that contests are conducted in a fair and honest manner. Unfortunately, enforcement is non-existent when it comes to the small potato stuff like this. But, it shouldn't take a government agency to make you keep your word! You say you're gonna do something; do it. That's how my mama raised me; I'm sure yours did, too.

The sad thing is, this is not just the action of a misfit living in his family's basement getting a cheap laugh from spitting in the face of the establishment. This example comes from someone who appears to have worked very hard to create an online presence, to reinvent his career, and who also makes a decent amount of money promoting his "knowledge" of the social media space. Although he's not an A-lister, he's someone who gets to hang out with the big name people and has a Twitter handle that many people know. And, please don't try to tell me the guy's busy and forgot. I'm not buying it. Be accountable. That's the first rule in business.

This should probably be the point where I tell you who the guy is and get the linch mob all riled up. But, professionalism dictates that I don't. What I will tell you is this:

Trust your gut
If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck and looks like a duck; it's a duck. Someone who exhibits questionable behavior probably has questionable character.
 
Don't promote shysters
When you see someone online exhibiting behavior that doesn't earn your respect, don't engage with them just because you see other people doing it. Lots of folks will support others with the goal of getting noticed. But, do you really want to be noticed by a charlatan? I don't.

You are judged by the company you keep
I have now unfollowed this person on Twitter. I take great efforts to surround myself with people who hold themselves to a certain standard. Those who live their lives with integrity, honesty, and moral fortitude. This guy comes up short and isn't someone I want to be associated with. I'm done.

Protect your reputation
When you talk with someone online, you're implying to some degree that you think they're alright. If you take that further and retweet their blog post, share their contest, or promote their event, you're telling your network that you approve of this person. It's essentially vouching for them. The reputation you've established may sway people to participate, enroll, or otherwise support the person in question. Your reputation is at stake with every bit of information you share.

Yes, all of us who have a blog want good traffic. Me included. However, trying to increase traffic to a site by sponsoring a contest and then not awarding the prize? That's sleezy.

As for this blogger, I am truly honored that you've taken time out of your busy lives to visit my site. I am humbled that you're here and I don't take your readership for granted. I would never betray you, mislead you, or lie to you. That is my oath. That is my word. You can count on it--and me.

Thanks for reading. Now, let's get out there and clean up the Web, eh?

Cyberbullying finds new media platform to exploit

Two months ago, I wrote a post about the people in my social network who use Formspring.me (a site that lets anyone ask you a question and then posts your answer publicly). I implied these people were egomaniacs, but in the grand scheme of things, so what if someone thinks they're so fascinating that folks are dying to ask them questions. Having an overly confident opinion of yourself might be a turn-off, but a big ego is generally harmless. Today, however, I read a disturbing article about how teens have now latched onto Formspring.me and are using it to up the bully factor on the web.

Think back to when you were eight, twelve, sixteen. Were there things about yourself that you were self-conscious about? Your nose? Your height? Your body shape? Your clothes? Now, imagine giving all your schoolmates an open forum to call you out on all that--even anonymously.

- How come you wear that stupid shirt so much?
- Why are you such a loser?
- Are you going to get a nose job anytime soon?
- Do you know what a skank you are?
- When are you going to wash your gym clothes?

Yikes!

All I have to say is I am so grateful not to be growing up in this day and age. Being a child was hard enough on its own.

If these sites had been around when you were a kid, would your childhood have been any different? Would you be the same person you are today? Might you be less confident or have more hang-ups? I can't help but to think this generation of kids could be spending a whole lot of money on therapists when they grow older...

Do you bring your social network into the voting booth or church pew with you?

When I first became active on social networking sites, I decided to never tweet about politics or post a status update about religion. These are two areas which are off limits in my personal playbook.

In this day and age where everyone has a soap box and a forum upon which to share their opinions with others, I see many people, however, who openly voice their voting decisions, their views on controversial political issues, their prayers, and their love of, or disbelief in, God. For right or wrong, knowing this information makes me feel closer--or more distant--from these people. Although opposites attract, I believe more fully in "birds of a feather flock together" and, yes, if you share my opinion on any of these issues, I will most likely feel a closer connection to you.

When we discover we have a common belief system with someone, it usually does create a bond of sorts. Will this make Joe more likely to want to hire Sally as a consultant because she's in support of SB101 like he is? (I made up that Senate bill, so don't look it up.) If Joe sees Sally say she's in support of same sex marriage and he isn't, will Joe be more likely to hire Sam (who either has the same opinion as Joe or has not publicly announced an opinion at all)? Do social networking sites open up a whole Pandora's Box when it comes to our private lives and very personal beliefs?

As for me, if I see someone share something political or religious that I agree with, I may, and have on occasion, sent a private message to them saying that it's nice to know they're a kindred spirit. I did this twice today, which actually gave me the idea for this post. And, although I respect everyone's right to share what they please and cast no judgment on their decision to do so, I still choose to censor myself on certain topics.

In person, I do enjoy a spirited discussion on evolution versus creation or any number of controversial or provocative topics. However, in person, my comments have context. In person, I choose who hears what I say and who I engage with. On social networking sites, I may be throwing out my opinion to thousands of strangers.

It used to be that it was completely inappropriate to ask someone who they voted for, and to do so was considered ignorant. I suppose, I'm still a bit old school in keeping certain aspects of my life private. Am I alone in this? Do you want to see how I've filled out my sample ballot or know who I do or don't worship?

Is there room in the voting booth for me and my entire social network?

Dare to not fit in

You're at your "steady" job today, buried deep in work. Pushing papers, answering to "The Man", and repeatedly checking the clock to see if 5:00 has rolled around. You know who you are.

Want something different? Something better? Check out this oldie, but goodie, from Apple. It might give you the inspiration you need to be better, to do better, and to change the world and your life. Remember, fitting in is highly over-rated.

I hate the word "followers"

I've seen way too many tweets that say, "My followers are great!" or "Eager to meet my followers at XYZ conference." I hate these tweets. I hate them a lot.

Interestingly, these aren't from celebs who really do have fans following their every move. I'm talking about regular people. Joe from Milwaukee, Sarah from Portland, Roger from Baton Rouge. People who somehow get an inflated sense of ego from social media.

To me, Twitter is all about connecting with people. The thought leaders in social media get that Twitter is a community and the best way to utilize the platform is to form relationships. Now, if you believe that (which I do), aren't we all equal? If I meet you, and we follow each other, why am I meeting one of my followers? Aren't we just peers connecting with one another?

I guess my issue is that the word "followers" is much too self indulgent. It implies that you are worshipping me, but I'm not worshipping you. That's wrong and that's not what social media is about.

I refrain from using the "F" word. I think it's contrary to what the platform is meant to be. Personally, I'd like to see it wiped out and replaced with the word "connections". After all, aren't we all using these sites to meet other people, learn from them, share our knowledge, and enhance our sense of community? Or, is our real intent to feed our bloated egos and fool ourselves into thinking our "followers" are hanging on our every word?

I never thought I'd quote Mother Teresa on my blog, but these words seem to fit the occasion perfectly: "I can do things you cannot, you can do things I cannot; together we can do great things."

Now, let's start connecting.